| Seriously sucky holiday |
[Dec. 23rd, 2008|09:04 am] |
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My brother Nathan killed himself Friday night in Finland leaving a wife and 3 very small children (3yo-2wks). I got back from my moms last night to find my cat Quigsley hiding and not eating, which means he's very sick. What the hell else can go wrong before the new year? |
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| Housing Hell! |
[Nov. 25th, 2007|06:14 pm] |
OMG. So it's been a crazy month getting ready to move and all. The crazy landlord is supopsedly not crazy so we took the place. Now it's a week before I move and have finally seen the apt empty. One thing I can say is the old tenents were great at hiding imperfections. However the more concerning thing is that it seems like toilet would have fallen in by now if it weren't for the 2X4 and piece of plywood in the basement!
I'm sorry, I can deal with a huge but not totally modern apt. Especially when the landlord has already offered to put money into renevations. Howerver, I'm not going to pay over $1500 a month for it!
So tonight Lizz and I are going to look at some other possibilties as well as another glance at the promised apt. Luckily a good friend of Lizzs' Jo is a liscenced contractor and has agreed to take a ride with us. Fingers crossed people other wise it'll be 5 cats and 3 adults in Edison for a month or so!
On the bright side Lizz is a dream. Cranky pants ocassionally, yes, but none the less a dream and quickly over her moments and ready to work together. Talk about a partner. Man, it's nice...
And we're going to look at a house! Not to buy but to rent and for less than this crummy apt. I would love not having neighbors directly next to me. I sometimes want to be loud :) |
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| It's been so long... |
[Aug. 27th, 2007|11:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home... | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lucinda Williams | ] |
I can't believe how long it's been since I posted. So much has happened I barely know where to begin!
I'm SO happy! To think, over the past year and a half I never believed I would be happy again, let alone this elated.
Work rocks! Granted there's a damn good chance I will be shot at while working in Newark, I love it. The people are great and I'm managing to maintain boundries and not come across as a condiscending-know-it-all-bitch. Of course there are people who make me want to ring their necks but I'm responding appropriately and not letting them get under my skin. The system is super busy and there are tons of really sick patients. The learning experience here is unbelievable and I feel completely ready to be a NP. Plus, just got a raise and am making almost 80k with out having to work much OT. All I can think about are write offs.
It's great. I'm quickly getting rid off all my debt that I incurred over the past year and saving a bunch. The plan is school FT in the spring and I'm seriously considering a month in either Costa Rica or Mexico for an immersion language course. January? Ideally but more likely June. The one downside to paying everything off and planning for the future is the serious decrease in travel I've grown accustom to. In the last 12 months I've been to Mexico, Belize, Guatemala, driven half-way across country, and other little trips. Just think, though, in a few years I'll be making 120K easy and travel will never be an issue!
Lizz and I are *so* in love and have started looking for an apt even though we're not actually moving in together until November or later. It's so nice that we don't have to rush and can take are time finding the perfect apartment. We'd like to stay in Journal Square so it'll be easy for me to still walk to school but I really would like to move downtown. There's a great apartment in Park Slope we were offered, one of those friends of friends things, but I think the commute to school and work would stink too much. We've started furniture shopping and ring shopping!*! It's picked out: 2 carat colorless solitare with channel set diamonds along the band and set in platnium. Never have I seen something so sparkly before! Did I mention SO IN LOVE????
Finally after a ridiculous amount of time, aggrivation, and of course money all kitties are happy and healthy. Though I just caught Mimi peeing on my bed! I have a studio for gods sake! It's not like it wasn't right in front of me. I'm not sure what's going on with her...
Of course there's still the issue of Dad. He's continuing to prove how blind he is to his own faults and I'm tired of reaching out to have my feelings trampled. Same with Mom. Did I mention how greatful I am for my chosen family?
I feel like there should be more to say; about how wonderful living in NYC is, about all the great beach time this summer, about the wonderful things I've been seeing, reading, and hearing. But I'm tired. Last night was not a "good" night at work and I need to sleep before doing it again tomorrow. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2007|09:52 pm] |
It officially looks as though my 2.5 month (forced) vacation is coming to an end.
At my follow-up from surgery on Friday I got my doc to say I could go back to work on 6/1, barring any unforseen complications. And today was my first Physical Therapy appt. Yup, you read that correctly, I have hand therapy. Mostly it involves wound care of the breaking-up-the-forming-scar-tissue massages and Desensitization/Re-education of the nerves in my fingers since the signals are all wonky. Plus some range of motion stuff. It's great, though. I realized today that I'm quite far beyond where I "should" be at this point and I CAN FEEL THINGS! I can differentiate feelings of materials and feel fairly minute stimulations which I hadn't been able to before. Plus the pain is getting less by the day.
But just to show that I haven't been completely stagnant over the past few months here are a few things that I've learned:
1. You can sell ANYTHING on Ebay.
2. I am so much stronger than I remembered.
3. I like not working.
4. You can not rely on anyone but yourself (this was just reinforced, again).
5. I LOVE NYC in spring even more than in fall. I didn't even know that was possible!
But the one lesson I didn't learn: Stay out of the Jungles. 12 days until my BIG Fat Belize/Guatemala vacation! |
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| Why is it that these things are so often true?! |
[May. 7th, 2007|09:36 pm] |
| You Are Cookie Monster | 
Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth.
You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around.
You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking
How you life your life: In the |
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| cathartic, exhausted ramblings on betrayal. |
[Apr. 14th, 2007|02:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
It's almost 3am and I'm sitting in bed playing online an online boggle game when I should be asleep. I couldn't sleep last night and I need to get up earlish to get all the things crammed in that I want to.
But I can't help but think, since it's me and I'm always thinking, that I'm really tired of people betraying me and my trust. It's happened a few too many times this year and while there were some little ones there were also a couple REALLY big betrayals by people I thought were best friends and family.
It just confuses me how someone can do these things to someone they supposedly care for or love. I couldn't do it, and actively haven't, knowing how that feels. What I can't wrap my head around is how they keep the guilt from eating them up inside.
But this whole BS with my family has shown me something important. The power of denial and rationalization is a VERY powerful thing. It must be if the parent you're *close* to tells you to call the embassy in an emergency rather that help you themself.
This will be the last chapter of the Betrayal Book. Too many in the past year, not all particularly significant, but enough that were to make me realize that I will never put myself in a position to be betrayed again. Yes, there's a lot of anger in that as well as a lot of hurt. That's human emotion. But I won't let it overwhelm me and my life. It's too easy to drown in your pain. And when I think of how much lighter I am with out all the excess baggage of people who don't deserve my thoughts or forgiveness it's a wonderful feeling.
So thanks to all of you, even though only a couple of people for whom this should resonate may read this, for forcing me to full grasp just how truely alone I am in the world and finally accepting that you can trust no one. These are lessons that everyone should learn, though hopefully not as painfully as I've had to over the past year, and I will continue to enjoy life and live in the moment as I do but with a nice shiny new suit of armor that will never again come off.
And lastly to you, these people who are worthy of nothing and have a level in purgatory reserved especially for them, don't forget to bring sunscreen. |
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| The good, the bad, and the ugly! |
[Apr. 8th, 2007|10:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
I have been trying to get this post up for the better part of two weeks. It got to be more than 3 Word pages (single space) and wasn't yet done. That's when I realized that it was time to try a different method.
I had a wonderful vacation on Mexico in a cabana on the beach, literally, with a sand floor on the first level and everything. Nothing couldn have been better, absolute utopia. Except for it not being my week. At all.
First I lost my $180 sunglasses that I've had for years to a giant wave.
Then I accidentally stabbed myself in my hand, hitting an artery. I went to the local public clinic becasue that's where I was taken by the caretakers of the property took me. The undertrained (like less than I have!) clinicians clipped a nerve while trying to clamp the artery that was actively spurting. Then packed me into a CAB that stopped twice on the ride to the hospital that takes AN HOUR and costs $50 each way. There they patched me up, refusing me adequates amount of pain meds becasue I was asking for them, by which they meant I was med seeking. Fuckers.
Next they want to admit me for observation and continued IV antibiotics but they required a $2500 deposit. Naturally since I hadn't thought to go grab my credit cards from upstairs (I had grabbed my wallet, thank god!) I called my Dad. His answer: "Call the embassy". Fucker. He still hasn't called to see how I am.
So I called my lady-friend who of course whipped out her card and paid. But at that point I decided to not stay so the bill was half. Though, the rest of the trip was in a GIANT compression bandage and I couldn't go in the water. Ok, the last day I wrapped my arm up in a billion plastic bags and went swimming.
Then I lost my camera.
Then the Mexican Airport security confiscated my knitting needles that were my grammy's.
And I couldn't buy anything for the gal that watched my cats at the duty free shop (which had some great little tequilas).
But then I got home all safe and in one piece. Minus part of an artery.
So I was out of work for 2 weeks because of the wound and it's location. However, I went this past friday to the hand specialist since it wasn't healing, looked funny and swollen though not obviously infected, and still very painful. Then there's the ghost sensations in my index finger that make me want to scratch my skin of. The specialist, Dr.Kang is great but she seriously suspects a neuroma has formed, which is a large mass of scar tissue on the nerve. And is planning on having to operate which will reduce the pain and sensations but never fully "cure" the issue.
And I'm out of work until god knows when. So I'm fucked. Poor and Bored.
If anyone has any ideas on how to fill my vacant time with fun free things please let me know.
And if anyone knows anyone who needs a pet sitter/ dog walker send them my way. I have LOTS of references and am great with animals. Not to mention desperate.
And yet, I wish I were back in Mexico. |
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| Stolen meme |
[Feb. 2nd, 2007|12:33 am] |
1. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to?
Nope. Actually, I'm not sure where he is or what he's doing. My guess would be jail...
2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
Give them to a local food bank or other donation accepting place. I've been donating everything lately and it feels great! (not to mention the tax help!)
3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
NKOTB, baby!!!
4. What is the best thing about your current job?
That I only have to work 3 days a week!
5. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
Oh yeah. So much so that I will never forgive her.
6. Are you against same sex marriage?
Not at all.
7. Have you been on a date in the past week?
Several.
8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
If by vacation you mean out of NYC, then Boston. If by vacation you mean vacation then who the hell knows. I'm hoping Costa Rica
9. Quote a song lyric:
I'd like to help you doctor, yes I really really would. But this thing in my head is too much and it's no good. -Suzanne Vega Blood Makes Noise
10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Old
11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
furniture, no. Organizational kitchen stuff, yup!
12. Do you like your parents?
Ususally
13. Do you still live with them?
Hell no.
14. What state/country are you from?
MA
15. Tell us about the last conversation you had:
The last conversation I had was a desperate phone call from a friend whom I work with asking me to look up the nearest WaWa to her current location in Trenton, NJ. (Apparently WaWa is like a Store 24 but amazing. I don't get it.)
16. Where do you see yourself in one month?
Right here. But maybe with an exciting new job as an Organ Procurement Coordinator
17. What is your favorite smell?
Basil
20. What is the time and the outside temperature at the moment?
0018, 19 degrees
21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers?
Nope but thinking about it.
23. Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?
Who hasn't?
25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
sure
27. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend?
No, nor my brothers, since I don't have a sister
28. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
Does Michfest count?
29. Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Lets just say that I know first hand why it's not a great idea...
30. Have you ever had a stalker?
No but I've stalked someone. (Hi ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) katabolic!)
31. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
WEG
33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober one?
Fully sober, no.
34. Have you ever been cheated on?
Yes
35. Have you ever had sex with one of your LJ friends?
A lady doesn't kiss and tell!
38. Have you ever lied to your parents?
As a teenager I did nothing but!
39. Have you ever been out of the US?
Of course!
42. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day?
Considering my profession, shockingly no.
43. Have you ever gotten so wasted you didnt know what was going on?
yes *shaking head*
44. Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on?
I wouldn't call it spying as much as noticing
45. Have you ever met someone you only knew through LJ?
Surpisingly yes.
46. Have you ever slept with one of your co-workers?
Ahhh, office romance...
47. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
Of course.
48. Have you peed your pants recently..?
Is this really a question?
50. Have you had sex this week?
That's no one business!
Ok, now time for my question: Where's question 49? |
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| Yes, this really is a post about grocery stores. |
[Jan. 24th, 2007|03:24 am] |
In MA we only have a few supermarket choices, dependent really on which part of the state you're in. For example, I grew up with Market Basket. I Boston we had Stop and Shop, Trader Joes, Whole Foods, and a few small coops. When I moved to Western MA we had the same thing. Then I move here. Here, we have C-Town, Path Mark, Shop Rite, and the A&P. If you want to travel a little bit there are plenty of Trader Joes and Whole Foods but the traveling almost makes it not worth it.
Usually I go to either C-town, because it's 2 blocks from my house, or Shop Rite, because it's big and has a nice liquor store in it. But C-Town is icky and I refuse to buy meat there. Shop Rite isn't bad, just always terribly crowded because of it's location. And over priced. Ok, truth is the majority of my shopping is done at the 24 hour deli in the Path station but it's costing me an arm and a leg! Sometimes I'll go to PathMark because it's also 24 hours but I have to drive there and it's not uncommon to get mugged or even shot in the parking lot.
Today I'm over at Target when I decide I want taco's for dinner. I can get everything there except for the ground turkey, tomato and spinach. (I prefer spinach to lettuce) Crap, I forgot the avocado! Anyway, I decide to go to the A&P since it's *right * there. And let me tell you, I was in love!
It's like a cross between a normal grocery store and a whole foods, with more selection in the "ethnic" areas than most places. I mean, seriously, there were asian foods and products that I only see in china town! I was great! There's nice organic meat and veggies, lovely fish, and did I mention organic, free range, fresh cornish game hens?! The only thing missing is a liquor store. But I'll deal.
Is it weird to be in love with a grocery store? |
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